I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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