I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
