Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Found the puke drawer
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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