you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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