I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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