Yo dont text me then not text me
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
