he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
