I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
