fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
