I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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