I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
