Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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