and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
