My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The Olympian is in my bed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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