Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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