uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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