College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
