i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
