I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
