I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
