every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How does one acquire holy water?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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