go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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