I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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