If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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