last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize