She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
