On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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