Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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