I am in a vortex of obligation.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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