I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
