we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
