Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
