I hate your face
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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