She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize