dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
