Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
