my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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