Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize