you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
