Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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