Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
