for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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