it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
