Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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