finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The beer is more important than you right now.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
