I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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