tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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