i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
