Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
