Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sorry about my life...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
