you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
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The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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