i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
