genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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