Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
