Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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