nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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