I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
