She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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