He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
