I hate all girls vehemently.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
