Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You are the jesus of drinking
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
