was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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