i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
