somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
