yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
