the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So many bounce houses so little time
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
