I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
