My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
