he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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