A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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