He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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