He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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