We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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