dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
