He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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