you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
